Ah The Scent Of Roses.
August 30th, 2010Friends and reader. Strolling along the sun strewn and leafy lanes of The Forth Ward the other day we happened to see out oldest friend and regular sucks readers Lesley Prada Hinds whizz past in her turbo charged people carrier. Our very own fashion icon was certainly on a mission as teeth gritted, capped of course she meandered at great speed past the traffic cones in Ferry Road, that’s the working class end of Ferry road you understand. Our Lesley never one to let the grass grow under her feet as seen by her super shiny glass slippers, the stiletto versions was clearly in no mood to dither around, even her copy of Heat magazine which she usually keeps on the dashboard just for show of course was nowhere to be seen.
It may have been she had just come from meeting with Forths best dressed man, our very own 21st century boy Peter-man at C an A-Strong. This would have to have been held in secret as Pete’s remit is Forth and our Lesley parachuted herself into Inverleith. As a former lord or is it Lady provest she is widely recognised, that and the fact she is a walking advert for Harvey Nics. Could it be and we can only speculate, that our Lesley was visiting Pete to enquire if he enjoyed the social event of the year which was held at Lesley’s pad recently, this was we add a bring your own Harvey Nics gift voucher social event, and judging by Pete’s array of ties he must have forgotten his, and brought a TK Max voucher instead.
This we were told was a gathering of the not so great and good, more the hangers on wannabes and asslickers shin dig, which category our Pete fits into is one best left to judgement. One lucky voucher holder who attended this fantabulos pay my expenses fundraiser told us that Pete who was accompanied by his better half Mrs-man at C an A, was the life and soul of the party waving his party card in the air with one hand and his VERA in the other, VERA dear friends means voluntary early release agreement, which would give Pete a handsome lump sum and a cosy little pension to boot.
Our Pete never one to pass up an invite, in fact we are told that Pete would turn up to the opening of an envelope, has always said that with his party card fully paid up and his VERA tucked in his back pocket he could apply for a post with Forths favourite contractor, the truly awful Halcrow, whose work has got to be seen to be believed. Pete is a true believer in the Halcrow creed of sting the taxpayer and do a shoddy job. But dear friends Pete has bigger fish to fry as he tries to thwart the Community agenda and secretly undermine the Neighbourhood Partnership in order that it curries favour with his Labour mates.
Meanwhile back at the working class end of Ferry Road our Lesley is stuck in traffic so that gives her time to get the oil of Olay out and the tester bottle of Channel No 5 she acquired when it fell off the back of a lorry and get to work in the rear view mirror. It is rumoured our Lesley hangs her false eyelashes out to dry on the washing line beside her Kate moss undies of course, just a rumour of course but where there is smoke and all that.
So our very own fashion icon is stuck in traffic with only her Olay and Channel for company, what is a girl to do, why get the blackberry out and text Harvey Nics to see if the summer season sales are on yet. But what of our Pete with his party card and VERA, well no such nonsense for him he dosen’t go in for all that girly stuff, he’s a Guardian reader without the woolly jumper and cords to match, but wait one minute what’s that, that has just dropped out of his neatly folded Guardian, why it’s a copy of the Daily Sport, but our Pete assures us he only gets it for the crossword Aye right Pete, guess this one, four letters begins with P and ends with T, we will give you a clue, the other two letters are R and A but that’s all you get you have to work out which way round they go. Best of luck.