Final Countdown
The communitys juices are flowing as the elections both national and local are upon us. Not long before the candidates reluctantly have to walk the streets in search of votes. The voters appear to be in hibernation if the previous voting figures are anything to go by.
The Labour party are tired and worn out with no ideas to run with and look set for an overdue hiding. What of the rest of them The Tories,well enuf said. The SNP are riding high in the polls,that is until they have to answer a difficult question-how will they pay for their independant paranoia? The Lib-Dems,nobody seems to know what they believe in,don’t think they do either.
But it is locally where the fun for us commences. We know that Malcolm principles Chischolm is standing yet again for the Scottish Parliament,[where are all the new people]Bill nowght to do with me fitzpatrick and empress Mcginnis will fly the worn out labour flag for the umpteenth time,hoping not only to beat each other but secure enough votes to scrape back in. Steven jump ship before it sinks Cardownie will represent the SNP and hope to get enough support to secure one of the places available.
We are unsure who the unlucky punter will be that represents the no-policy Lib-Dems.
And that just leaves A.N.another whoever they may be. But let us use our vivid imagination and try and project the potential winners in all this STV nonsense. The Labour party will as usual be out in limited force,as their numbers continue to dwindle leaving just the die hards and the wannabees to swamp the community with their tall tales and false promises. It is hard to imagine them campaigning in the community as they tried to flog off the tennants houses from under them and call it a good deal. Couldn’t con the punters there then.
As we have already said we are still the proud custodians of poor housing,high unemployment, pot holed streets and crazy paving to walk on. The private sector are building our new schools which we will have to lease back off them for a small fortune,good deal eh. Still no local jobs of any note on the Waterfront development and none likely,makes that 9000 jobs figure look like a right laugh now. Still we have our knight in shining armour Ray joined up Harris who will lead us to the promised land[what happened to him then]
And of course Mr. principles himself the guardian of our moral souls and back bench rebel,Malcolm Chisholm. His halo is stuck firmly to his head and a hurrican wind would not blow it off. It is difficult to remember the last time Mr. principles walked round this part of the consituency just to say hello and chat to people. It is not in his aloof character,but you will soon be sick of the sight of him as he trys to shore up his majority.
These are the candiates with the exception of jump ship Cardownie who are the present incumbants and they have the bare faced cheek to ask for your vote once again. Breathtaking arrogance,with a track record they should be ashamed of. The real fun if that is the right word is the cut throating that will be going on in this new voting system.
Be in no doubt that the ruthless empress will try and cut Bill Bailie out of the picture such is her overwhelming desire to get back in at any cost. We are sure she will not try and break the law by using PEP buses to take the plebs to the polling stations,but we will be watching anyway just in case of foul play. We are sure there will be no biting ,scratching and low blows,but who knows,no doubt the empress has already been out and about with that false smile trying to drum up support,and try and cut Billy boy out of the equation.
So imagine if you will Messers Chisholm,Fitzpatrick, and Waterfront Liz walking hand in hand through the forth ward looking for votes. We hope they have borrowed steel helmets,if they haven’t then they had better avoid the high flats,you never know some disgruntled seagull might just take offence to being woken up and return the compliment with a sudden plop.
So as the punters worry over who to vote for and lose sleep in the process,we offer some bedtime thinking. We are the most overtaxed,underpaid, underskilled walked all over people in industrial Europe,but you have the consolation of a community charge rebate if you are poor,only thing is that under this Labour administration,the peoples administration it is means tested. We should subject these candidates to a means test and see how they come out.  Â